I Went Ahead and Played a Drinking Game at a Quiet Winery because I’m a Class Act. 

Ahhhh the Winery
What a perfect place to relax, sip a single glass of wine and discuss art and culture. 

The people over at Keys Creek Winery in Escondido were nice enough to invite me in for a tasting. The property is beautiful, the wines delicious and my husband and I decided it was a great opportunity to play a new drinking game he purchased. 

For those of your who don’t already know, I’m married to a NEEEEEERRRRRD. It’s acceptable because he’s attractive, but he plays Dungeons and Dragons like twice a week… it’s the real deal. 
Drinking Quest is a nerdy card game with alcoholism appeal and while obviously not designed to be played with wine due to the chugging component of the game, we had a great time. 
Much like Whose Line Is It Anyway the points don’t matter and there isn’t a way to actually win the game. It’s just a lot of stuff like this: 

I’ve decided that I won because there were less wine chugs involved in my experience but we both left drunk and happy so perhaps we’re both winners. 
Go to the Keys Creek. Bring a game or just bring a picnic like normal people. The owners are super friendly and you can even bring your dog if you’d like. We didn’t..because we’re selfish and wanted to Uber and not care for a living thing while drinking.

Here’s their website:


My First Murder Mystery Dinner Experience: So Rad I Could Have Died. 

I’m dipping my toes into the world of participating in ridiculous activities around my hometown of San Diego and then reporting back to you guys. 

My first experience set the bar so high that I should probably just quit now and shut my blog down. 

I’ve been trolling Groupon for YEARS (I love me a coupon) and I’ve been tempted by so many murder mystery dinners, but I’ve never pulled the trigger. ::heh. Heh. I do puns::

The lovely people at The San Diego Mystery Cafe were nice enough to let me come check out their new show I Do, Now DIE- and it about ended my life via laughter. 

I’m not going to summarize the show for you. That would be boring. Instead I’m going to share some photos and hashtag them as if I truly had been a wedding guest at this 1980’s shitshow and brought my Instagram technology from the future. 

Richard and Candi’s first dance. 💕  #DickPutARingOnIt #PrettyInPink #BlushingGroom #ForeverYoursFaithfully 

Totally rad centerpieces. #DickPutARingOnIt #CandiIsAClassAct #AFewPeopleDiedButIEnjoyedMyCake #BonJoviOnSidesAandB 

Mother Of The Groom’s outfit is totes fresh. #DickPutARingOnIt #BoleroToDieFor #HopeSheDoesntActuallyDie #StartingToWonderIfWeAreAllGonnaDie #WorkIt #INeedHerHairDressersNumber

For sure flying this gent out to plan my next event. #DickPutARingOnIt #WeddingPlannerDanceSkillsAreAce #LoveTheseRayBans #SoTotallyInRightNow 

Family Love. ##DickPutARingOnIt #DysfunctionIsSoRad #GagMeWithASpoon #ThanksForHavingUs 
Here’s their website if you guys are as lazy as I am and count on laughter for your monthly ab work out. 


I Punched Myself In The Mouth; And Then I Didn’t Just Go Home Like A Normal Person

I get anxiety about being late.

I think being late is rude and I’m not rude enough to enjoy being rude.

This evening I was running late to yoga. Miraculously I arrived in the parking lot of my yoga studio 5 minutes before class began (Which for my non-yogi friends… Is not enough time…there’s a lot of physical and mental set up involved). My backpack containing everything I needed to have a successful hour appeared to be relaxing in between my passenger seat and my glove compartment. With one gentle tug I realized …IT WAS NOT RELAXING! IT WAS STUCK. VERY STUCK. I yanked on the bag with all my might attempting to dislodge it. Failing, my hand flew off of the bag hitting me square in the mouth.


Is my tooth chipped????? No.

Am I bleeding??!?!?! Yes.

Did I already pay for class? Shit.

Into the studio I storm, looking as if I had just gotten into a scuffle, perhaps over a parking spot or who had the cuter yoga pants.

Mouth bleeding (not subtlety)  I start to squeeze my mat into a crowded room of relaxed yogis. With every motion I’m unintentionally making more noise than I ever have. Everyone is staring at me with daggers in their eyes. I’m ruining their life; or at the very least their zen.

The grand finale of this story takes place as I wrapped up my noisy set up and went to excuse myself from the room to put my phone and keys in a locker. At this point class was just starting, I dropped my cell phone which proceeded to BOUNCE all the way to the other side of the studio. I’m still having trouble understanding the physics behind what happened.

With shame in my heart I went and retrieved it from the girl’s mat that it had accosted. She didn’t even look at me. She didn’t even hand it to me.

To my fellow yogis in the 6pm class at Yoga Six. I apologize.



Ro-Cipes Volume 2: Jalapeñ-Ro Breakfast Waffles


I got married!!!! Now I’m done using planning a wedding as an excuse to do nothing but stare at my instagram feed and think about how pretend busy I am.

I’m sure not touching the election with a blog post so I’ve come to you with my latest moment of culinary genius.

This idea came to me during one of my hungriest moments in life. Hunger is my version of artistic angst. Like musicians write beautiful music while they’re feeling empty inside, I too create my art when my stomach is empty. They’re very similar concepts.

This shit should be on Pinterest. Here we go:

Jalapeñ-Ro Breakfast Waffles.


What You’ll need for 2 servings:

2-3 fresh jalapeños… I didn’t remove the seeds, cuz I like to feel like I’m dying when I eat, but feel free if you’d like.

Waffle Mix… And whatever the waffle mix calls for, I already don’t remember

2 eggs

salt and pepper

Breakfast sausage (However much you want!)

One can of Enchilada sauce

Tomatoes (If you’re gross like my husband and you want that shit on your food.)

And cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese


  1. Chop the jalapeños Like this. Or better, chopping isn’t really my thing.


2. Sautée Them. Like this until they’re not gonna result in a gross crunch in your waffle.


3. Throw them in the batter like this: (there are no instructions on how to make waffle batter, because I believe in you and that’s what the waffle box is for.)


4. Make waffles. Like this:





5. Now. Fry the eggs like this:


Or if you’re like me and have the memory of a goldfish, scramble some first, remember that YOU DID NOT WANT TO PUT SCRAMBLED EGGS ON YOUR MASTERPIECE and then fry an eggs like this.

6. Cook the breakfast sausage. I took a picture, but it’s so boring  you guys. It doesn’t even look pretty and there wasn’t an Instagram filter to fix it. So just cook the fucking sausage. You’re fine.

7. Heat up the enchilada sauce. If you’re really fancy and you can make your own. Do that. And don’t rub it in.

8. Assemble!

TA DA!!!!!!!!!!!




An Open Letter to Those Who Yell “OH MY GOD! NO WAAAAAAY!!!” at Their Televisions.

Dear Dramatic Reactors,

It’s been said that I’m one of the least reactive people my loved ones know. Particularly while watching television/movies.

If something makes me laugh out loud… I laugh out loud. In the RARE circumstance that I feel connected enough to something on screen to cry…I cry. Under NO circumstance have I ever felt compelled to yell words at my television. Moreover, nothing has ever made me “awwwwwwwwwwww” out loud. This doesn’t mean I’m not absorbing what’s happening and it doesn’t mean I’m not forming opinions about characters and storylines.

I saw Suicide Squad the other night (which should really get it’s own blog post because it was that laughable) and the girl next to me COULD NOT stop making her feelings of affection for Will Smith and his on-screen daughter audibly known. With every “awwww” and “Omg so cute” that was uttered to my right I felt myself burning with questions.

DO YOU GUYS DO THIS SHIT WHEN NOBODY ELSE IS AROUND??? Help me understand. Do you feel genuine while you do it? Is this something people do to help the people around them better understand how they’re feeling while they watch? Is it like when I throw sarcastic comments at the screen to entertain the other people in the room?

And if you clap at the end of movies. Stop.

Apparently Void of Human Emotion,



Pokémon Go Sounds Cool, But Here Are Some Things I REALLY Wish Would Make A Comeback

Ladies and Gents… So far in 2016, Full House made comeback with a terrible revival series, Pokémon Go has us wondering why we ever made fun of the kids who played the original in the 90’s and Blink 182 is desperately trying to make relevant music.

What a time to be alive! 

In my humble opinion, I think we have room to bring some other things back as well.

5 Arby’s Beef & Cheddars for $5. I know. I know. Half of your reached for the nearest trash can to gag into. I’ll be the first (and probably only) to admit that I can remember the excitement I felt when my father would come home with a bag FULL of these delicious treats. A treasure trove of foil-wrapped beauties that first taught me that you CANNOT re-heat things packaged in aluminum in the microwave. Mmmmm. Melted cheese and accidental fires.

Color changing spoons in cereal boxes… You know. I wrote this one down and then I did some research (to think you guys thought this blog was just off the cuff nonsense) and uncovered that these are actually still a thing. I’m just eating the WRONG cereal. Way to go Trix and Fruit Loops for not giving out stickers and 3-D glasses like the other cheap asses.


The Elephant show. Skidamarinki dinky dink! Skidamarinki do! So, I don’t necessarily need this show to make a comeback. BUT! A  “Where are they now” type Netflix original documentary about these 3 would be amazing.


Lastly. Teenagers with a healthy fear of drugs and alcohol and some respect for their elders. Yeah. Let’s bring that back. Preferably before I’m the mother of a teen.